What a small word for such a big concept.
Like I said in the previous post, God has been teaching me so much about love since I've been here in Chicago. In an environment like Summer Project, you are constantly hearing about "the amazingness of God's unfailing love", and "how much He loves us", which are things I've always believed but never took too seriously. Coming into project I started questioning exactly how that applied to me. I felt God's love in how much He'd blessed me, though my great friends and family, and in random circumstantial things, but until coming here I never knew you could think of God like a lover. One of my roommates mentioned that the first night we were here, and it struck me that I kind of had a buddy-buddy sort of relationship with God. How was it possible to feel that love from God and love him back? I talked to Him most every day and I lived life with Him to an extent, but I wasn't walking in the Spirit (which I'll talk more about in a different post) and my relationship with Him wasn't very deep. I realized through talking to a few people that I also didn't quite understand thinking of God as my Father. Like I said, He has been my best friend... but how could I get to the point where I had this intimate relationship with Him? Falling in love with God (thinking of Him as a lover) is still a concept that is hard for me to understand, but God is showing me a lot about how to think of Him like a Father.
I have been reading and studying several things while I've been here. As a project we have been going through Galatians, which is a letter from Paul to the church in Galatia. When Paul writes, he infuses so much of the gospel into what he is saying, so I've been learning and growing a lot through that.
I'm also reading the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I would recommend this book to anyone!! It's not a super intellectual read but it is well written and Rivers' imagery is very powerful. It's fiction but based on the book of Hosea. If you don't know the book of Hosea (I don't really), it's basically about a man who is told by God to marry a prostitute. The prostitute runs away from him again and again, falling back into prostitution, but Hosea keeps going back to get her. It is supposed to be a picture of God's love for us, and it's really powerful. I haven't read the actual book in the bible yet but I've been told it makes more sense if you read it after Redeeming Love.
The third thing I've been going through is the Thirsty devotional. It's a devotional that they gave us the first week of project, and it's all about being filled with and walking in the Holy Spirit.
In lots of the Thirsty devotional there are parts where it has you go back to the old testament to read some of God's promises and things like that. One day during my quiet time it just hit me. The whole message of the bible is love! From the beginning when God made promises to Abraham about blessing his people and other covenants that took place, God was expressing His love for us. And then there were the Israelites (part of Abraham's lineage), who turned away from God time and time again... but He still delivered them and forgave them each time. The whole book of Judges is all about that... about how God sends a judge over and over to deliver the Israelites out of the mess they've gotten themselves into. And then later, in an incomparable act of love, He sent His very own son to die in our place. Someone had to die because we're not adequate.. we can't follow the rules set forth in the bible. So God stepped forward and took care of His people. AGAIN. And once and for all... because once we are part of His kingdom, we can't be unsaved. It's all an amazing picture of love... I don't know how I didn't see it before. It's like it was a message written across the sky but in letters too big for me to see.
The other amazing thing is that love totally is the answer to a lot of questions in this world. I was reading one of my old journal entries where I had said something about "it's like I want love to be the be-all, end-all of this world, but I know it's not." Making this realization about the message of the bible has shown me that I was entirely wrong. Love IS the be-all, end-all... God's amazing love is all we can cling to! If you think about it, the whole WORLD is obsessed with love. It's in thousands of songs, books, art, and other human expressions. It's something everyone wants. But there is a reason for that. That's not an ungodly desire... the hunger for love is there in order to point us to Christ. He's the only one who can really fulfill the need we have for love.
I came into that quiet time feeling inadequate and awful.. I felt like the prostitute in the book I was reading or like the Israelites. I constantly get distracted by people and relationships, and I am always making other things more important than God. But suddenly when I put together all the things I'd been reading and learning, it made sense. The picture of the Israelites failing in the bible is representative of us. The story is in the bible for a reason. God's love for those Israelites is the same as the love He has for us. I don't have to be perfect, and that's the miracle. Even though I keep turning from God, He still loves me. I'm still His child, a princess, an heir to His kingdom. I'm VALUED. And I don't deserve it.
It's overwhelming.
There's more that I've been learning about love. There are lots of people at my job that I don't really even want to get to know, let alone love. But I'm learning all of this stuff about how God loves me with this unconditional, I-cant-even-mess-it-up kind of love. I'm called to love others that way as well. It's been difficult, and some days have been easier than others in that respect, but it's a learning process.
Dinner is starting (we're having Chicago-style pizza!), so I've gotta stop writing. But I will continue to blog more often. I hope you guys enjoy reading what I've been learning, although I'm only getting to share a small portion with you. I learn things every single day here... it's amazing. It's often been said that Summer Project is a spiritual greenhouse. It's so true!
More to come later! Love you all!
Jordan
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Love and the Spirit
Hey all!
It's been a while since I've posted... sorry about that. I'm supposed to be keeping this blog regularly but things are just moving along so quickly! I'm going to try and start doing more frequent, shorter updates.
I have just been blown away by how much I am learning every day here.
God is definitely breaking me in order to build me up stronger and it hasn't been easy in any sense, but I'm grateful for it. Being all analytical and such, I've found that there are two overall themes to what I have been learning during these first three weeks. God has been teaching me so much about love and the Holy Spirit.
He's been teaching me about love in that I have never really focused much on how much He loves me. I was always focused more on peace haha, but love is so important. The whole story of the bible is underlined by God's love, and I never quite grasped that before.
I have been learning a lot about the Holy Spirit in that I never quite understood His power and the function of the Holy Spirit in our lives. It is our council and guide in life... a gift! In Galations Paul says that we are given the Holy Spirit as a seal. Once we are in God's kingdom, we are His children and heirs to His kingdom, and we can't lose that! I never understood this as well as I do now what it means to "walk in the Spirit."
That's all I can write for now, because people are coming over to our apartment to watch the Emperor's New Groove :)
But I will be writing more tomorrow, since it is my day off! I really want to talk more about both of those two themes over these past two weeks, and tell about the evangelism we have been doing in the city.
Peace (and love!),
Jordan
It's been a while since I've posted... sorry about that. I'm supposed to be keeping this blog regularly but things are just moving along so quickly! I'm going to try and start doing more frequent, shorter updates.
I have just been blown away by how much I am learning every day here.
God is definitely breaking me in order to build me up stronger and it hasn't been easy in any sense, but I'm grateful for it. Being all analytical and such, I've found that there are two overall themes to what I have been learning during these first three weeks. God has been teaching me so much about love and the Holy Spirit.
He's been teaching me about love in that I have never really focused much on how much He loves me. I was always focused more on peace haha, but love is so important. The whole story of the bible is underlined by God's love, and I never quite grasped that before.
I have been learning a lot about the Holy Spirit in that I never quite understood His power and the function of the Holy Spirit in our lives. It is our council and guide in life... a gift! In Galations Paul says that we are given the Holy Spirit as a seal. Once we are in God's kingdom, we are His children and heirs to His kingdom, and we can't lose that! I never understood this as well as I do now what it means to "walk in the Spirit."
That's all I can write for now, because people are coming over to our apartment to watch the Emperor's New Groove :)
But I will be writing more tomorrow, since it is my day off! I really want to talk more about both of those two themes over these past two weeks, and tell about the evangelism we have been doing in the city.
Peace (and love!),
Jordan
Monday, June 13, 2011
11th Day Here
Howdy y'all...
It's been almost a week since I posted last, so a lot has gone on but I'll just highlight the main things I suppose. My goal when starting this blog was to post at least once a week, so I'm gonna try and hold to that. Also, remember that I'm on what we've come to call "project time"... so it all goes so slow but is never boring. I feel bad because I feel like I haven't posted for a super long time, but it's only been six days. Haha.
~Last week I went on my first "Campus Day" with my action group.
An action group is basically like a bible study (all girls or all boys), and the leader of each one is also discipling each student in his/her action group. My action group has about six girls including me, and our leader is a recent purdue grad named Linsey. The function of an action group is not only to do bible study together, but to do campus ministry together. My action group is paired with two other action groups, and as a whole we are the Impact Team assigned to the University of Chicago and Malcom X campuses. It's our job to scope out the campuses and try to develop or continue to develop a Cru movement with the school while reaching out to students that we meet.
Our first day on campus was interesting. We went to U of Chicago, and got to walk around to get to know the area and maybe do a survey with some people. Sara and I stumbled upon the Oriental Institute which is a crazy awesome museum. They had several pieces that I've learned about in art history! Who knew they were on UOC's campus!? Also we ended up talking to some grad students, but they were sooooo smart and very liberal-minded. They didn't think the campus would receive Cru very well at all. UOC is kind of known for being excessively smart and so invested in their studies that they hardly even get involved in campus activities. Someone said that it's basically Ivy League. So yeah, this campus will be a challenge. At first I was kind of disappointed that I didn't get stationed with Columbia College, because I know some people there and since it's a liberal arts school, it would be super easy for me to connect with those people. Me and artsy people just go together. :) But then I realized, why would I need training to connect with people I already know how to connect with?
Sooo. Super-smart, book-wormish, semi-social, critical-thinking University of Chicago is where I'll be.
Oh yeah and I had my first meeting with my discipler, which was cool. I've never been discipled before so I don't know what to expect.
~Thursday night we had our first huge Cru meeting with everyone that was already on project. It was my first time being a part of leading worship that big, and I was afraid that I would be hyper-aware that people were watching me or worship differently because I was at the front. But I didn't change a thing, and that's probably only because of God working in me. I feel like God is going to teach me a lot of things about leading worship this summer.
Something that a lot of people don't know about Project is that after the first 5 weeks, the staff leaves all of us students here to continue running the project by ourselves.
BY OURSELVES.
I know, right. When I first heard that I'm pretty sure my heart dropped into my stomach. We will all be delegated the positions that staff holds right now, so for instance two people will be project directors, and all the committees that are working now will be operated by students in four weeks. New bible study leaders will be appointed, and we will basically all be discipling each other. There's a good chance that me and the other student who is in the worship team will be leading worship after the others leave. To me that's all pretty crazy.... it's hard sometimes to remember that we are all adults here. Hahaha. So yeah, I'll probably be blogging more about that as the time approaches for staff to leave.
~Saturday I was on the boat for 9hrs straight, so my feet hurt pretty bad at the end of my second cruise. It's a fun atmosphere, though. My other "shipmates" love to good-naturedly complain (if that's even possible to imagine), but I don't think it's bad at all. I just wish I could sit down from time to time, that's all. Other than that, the people are all pretty fun and they all like me because I do my best to help them out and do a good job. I got my first tip as a Servers Assistant ($5), yay! Haha. This one Server named Kandise who looks like Mercedes off of Glee (and has the same amount of attitude) was teaching me some things about being an SA, and then stopped and asked me if I was wearing false eyelashes. She had a minor stroke when she found out they were real, and then informed me that, giiiiiiiirl yo' eyelashes are the EX-act same as the #66 falsies at Sally Beauty. "I would know." Hahahah. I've made friends with the boys who have to dress in US Navy-looking outfits but actually just manage the boat (cleaning the bathrooms, ect.) Poor boys. One is so little looking, even though he just graduated high school. And the guy who is in charge of the buffet let me sneak a mini piece of cheesecake when no one was back there. So I'd say life is pretty good. LOL
~Church was interesting. We're gonna be going to a "satellite church" every week, which is an extension of Willow Creek. There was worship which was actually a bit more like a concert, and then we watched the message on a huge screen at the front of this church and it was a video stream from the other Willow Creek outside of the city. It was a very different experience, and not what I'm used to. More on that later, because I'm not sure what I think of the church yet. But whether I like it or not, I figure that we're still worshipping God.. and it's very good-intentioned whether or not I agree with the order of worship or the doctrine. Plus it's only for ten weeks. So I'm chill... it's not like we're not getting taught every single week here!
~After church a large group of us went to Wicker Park which is basically an area with TONS of vintage stores and a huge Urban Outfitters. It was like hipster/art kid heaven. I loved it sooooo much, and I'm definitely going back. I love that kind of style! There was also a really cool hole-in-the-wall bookstore, and me and my friend Tyler spent so long in there that everyone else left us. We finally caught up with everyone in Urban, but then they were about to leave so left us again. That was cool though because I really get along with Tyler (he's a recent college grad, studied graphic design, and is kind of punkish/hipster like my friend Aren. Gotta love hipster art kids.) and we just talked about music and art the entire time. We looked in a few really cool art galleries on the strip too. When we got back it was time for dinner with our impact teams, and that was fun because we all got to know each other better. Fact: The game "If You Knew Me You'd Know..." in three minutes does not work for me. I talk too muchhh...
~Then we had women's time, which was very interesting. I thought we were going to just socialize and mingle, but it was more like a support group meeting. Haha whiiiich I didn't expect and I don't usually like those things but I definitely do feel like there are no barriers with the women anymore. It's a very come-as-you-are atmosphere, and I really love each of the women on this project. It was kind of amazing to see so many people being so vulnerable and the fact that we all are so loved in spite of our hotmessness is really cool. My prayer is that we can each become a source of encouragement for our fellow women.
Yep so in conclusion now it's Monday and I'm writing this because I have the day off. I work 22 hours this week but that's starting Wednesday. Haha I'm about to invest in some Dr. Scholls shoe inserts or something.
Right now I'm gonna make myself make some phone calls about support and then go running. Prayers would be great! I'm really wanting to do support raising less than ever because I'm already here and there's so much going on.
But that's the 411 and there's so much going on that's under the surface of course, but it's hard to get to that when all the circumstantial stuff is interesting as well! lol
God is really challenging me this summer. I know I've said that already in the previous post, but it's really been a spiritual battle since arriving here. It's a good thing though... it's going to break me and stretch me and help me develop into a strong leader.
So thanks for reading and I hope you guys can continue to pray for me and my team. I love you all!
Jordan
It's been almost a week since I posted last, so a lot has gone on but I'll just highlight the main things I suppose. My goal when starting this blog was to post at least once a week, so I'm gonna try and hold to that. Also, remember that I'm on what we've come to call "project time"... so it all goes so slow but is never boring. I feel bad because I feel like I haven't posted for a super long time, but it's only been six days. Haha.
~Last week I went on my first "Campus Day" with my action group.
An action group is basically like a bible study (all girls or all boys), and the leader of each one is also discipling each student in his/her action group. My action group has about six girls including me, and our leader is a recent purdue grad named Linsey. The function of an action group is not only to do bible study together, but to do campus ministry together. My action group is paired with two other action groups, and as a whole we are the Impact Team assigned to the University of Chicago and Malcom X campuses. It's our job to scope out the campuses and try to develop or continue to develop a Cru movement with the school while reaching out to students that we meet.
Our first day on campus was interesting. We went to U of Chicago, and got to walk around to get to know the area and maybe do a survey with some people. Sara and I stumbled upon the Oriental Institute which is a crazy awesome museum. They had several pieces that I've learned about in art history! Who knew they were on UOC's campus!? Also we ended up talking to some grad students, but they were sooooo smart and very liberal-minded. They didn't think the campus would receive Cru very well at all. UOC is kind of known for being excessively smart and so invested in their studies that they hardly even get involved in campus activities. Someone said that it's basically Ivy League. So yeah, this campus will be a challenge. At first I was kind of disappointed that I didn't get stationed with Columbia College, because I know some people there and since it's a liberal arts school, it would be super easy for me to connect with those people. Me and artsy people just go together. :) But then I realized, why would I need training to connect with people I already know how to connect with?
Sooo. Super-smart, book-wormish, semi-social, critical-thinking University of Chicago is where I'll be.
Oh yeah and I had my first meeting with my discipler, which was cool. I've never been discipled before so I don't know what to expect.
~Thursday night we had our first huge Cru meeting with everyone that was already on project. It was my first time being a part of leading worship that big, and I was afraid that I would be hyper-aware that people were watching me or worship differently because I was at the front. But I didn't change a thing, and that's probably only because of God working in me. I feel like God is going to teach me a lot of things about leading worship this summer.
Something that a lot of people don't know about Project is that after the first 5 weeks, the staff leaves all of us students here to continue running the project by ourselves.
BY OURSELVES.
I know, right. When I first heard that I'm pretty sure my heart dropped into my stomach. We will all be delegated the positions that staff holds right now, so for instance two people will be project directors, and all the committees that are working now will be operated by students in four weeks. New bible study leaders will be appointed, and we will basically all be discipling each other. There's a good chance that me and the other student who is in the worship team will be leading worship after the others leave. To me that's all pretty crazy.... it's hard sometimes to remember that we are all adults here. Hahaha. So yeah, I'll probably be blogging more about that as the time approaches for staff to leave.
~Saturday I was on the boat for 9hrs straight, so my feet hurt pretty bad at the end of my second cruise. It's a fun atmosphere, though. My other "shipmates" love to good-naturedly complain (if that's even possible to imagine), but I don't think it's bad at all. I just wish I could sit down from time to time, that's all. Other than that, the people are all pretty fun and they all like me because I do my best to help them out and do a good job. I got my first tip as a Servers Assistant ($5), yay! Haha. This one Server named Kandise who looks like Mercedes off of Glee (and has the same amount of attitude) was teaching me some things about being an SA, and then stopped and asked me if I was wearing false eyelashes. She had a minor stroke when she found out they were real, and then informed me that, giiiiiiiirl yo' eyelashes are the EX-act same as the #66 falsies at Sally Beauty. "I would know." Hahahah. I've made friends with the boys who have to dress in US Navy-looking outfits but actually just manage the boat (cleaning the bathrooms, ect.) Poor boys. One is so little looking, even though he just graduated high school. And the guy who is in charge of the buffet let me sneak a mini piece of cheesecake when no one was back there. So I'd say life is pretty good. LOL
~Church was interesting. We're gonna be going to a "satellite church" every week, which is an extension of Willow Creek. There was worship which was actually a bit more like a concert, and then we watched the message on a huge screen at the front of this church and it was a video stream from the other Willow Creek outside of the city. It was a very different experience, and not what I'm used to. More on that later, because I'm not sure what I think of the church yet. But whether I like it or not, I figure that we're still worshipping God.. and it's very good-intentioned whether or not I agree with the order of worship or the doctrine. Plus it's only for ten weeks. So I'm chill... it's not like we're not getting taught every single week here!
~After church a large group of us went to Wicker Park which is basically an area with TONS of vintage stores and a huge Urban Outfitters. It was like hipster/art kid heaven. I loved it sooooo much, and I'm definitely going back. I love that kind of style! There was also a really cool hole-in-the-wall bookstore, and me and my friend Tyler spent so long in there that everyone else left us. We finally caught up with everyone in Urban, but then they were about to leave so left us again. That was cool though because I really get along with Tyler (he's a recent college grad, studied graphic design, and is kind of punkish/hipster like my friend Aren. Gotta love hipster art kids.) and we just talked about music and art the entire time. We looked in a few really cool art galleries on the strip too. When we got back it was time for dinner with our impact teams, and that was fun because we all got to know each other better. Fact: The game "If You Knew Me You'd Know..." in three minutes does not work for me. I talk too muchhh...
~Then we had women's time, which was very interesting. I thought we were going to just socialize and mingle, but it was more like a support group meeting. Haha whiiiich I didn't expect and I don't usually like those things but I definitely do feel like there are no barriers with the women anymore. It's a very come-as-you-are atmosphere, and I really love each of the women on this project. It was kind of amazing to see so many people being so vulnerable and the fact that we all are so loved in spite of our hotmessness is really cool. My prayer is that we can each become a source of encouragement for our fellow women.
Yep so in conclusion now it's Monday and I'm writing this because I have the day off. I work 22 hours this week but that's starting Wednesday. Haha I'm about to invest in some Dr. Scholls shoe inserts or something.
Right now I'm gonna make myself make some phone calls about support and then go running. Prayers would be great! I'm really wanting to do support raising less than ever because I'm already here and there's so much going on.
But that's the 411 and there's so much going on that's under the surface of course, but it's hard to get to that when all the circumstantial stuff is interesting as well! lol
God is really challenging me this summer. I know I've said that already in the previous post, but it's really been a spiritual battle since arriving here. It's a good thing though... it's going to break me and stretch me and help me develop into a strong leader.
So thanks for reading and I hope you guys can continue to pray for me and my team. I love you all!
Jordan
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Woah. Sorry this is long.
Wow... just, wow. That's the first thing I would think to say if you were to ask me to summarize these past... um... 5 days (had to think there for a second). First of all, it feels like it's been two weeks. I didn't realize at all that I was going to be in such sensory overload!
Saturday was just orientation, but we had a period of training and a lot of it was getting to know our group. We received our Galatians study books which are HUGE and very in-depth. Each day we have an assignment which is in the book, and it is supposed to essentially teach us how to effectively study and interpret scripture. (Prayer request #1: that I would stay on top of that, and all the other things on my plate. There are so many things to get distracted by here as it is, and other things I need to be doing are keeping up with this blog, continuing to raise support and sending thank-yous, spending my own time with the Lord, doing bible study with my action group, and learning songs for my job.) I also talked with some people, and I will be helping to lead worship with the band! I'm so thankful that God is allowing me to use my gifts in so many ways on this trip. Worship team practiced a bit Sunday night, and I'm really excited to learn a lot of new (to me) worship songs.
Sunday we didn't go to our new church here yet because I don't think the church is ready for a whole nother 100 students and staff yet (or some reason like that?) so we did a devotional in the morning and then had more training, this time on how to use the Knowing God Personally (KGP) booklet. It was a great "gospel-refresher" for us, as well. THEN after lunch we broke into groups and went on a scavenger hunt around the city! It was suuuuuper fun and did help a bit to get to know a couple areas. We had four or five "zones" that we could have visited, and accumulated points by doing the objectives in each zone. Other ways to accumulate points were to stop in any Starbucks that we came across and get the address and the barista's name and favorite drink, and also picking up applications from different stores and restaurants around the city. It was so fun because, if you know me well, you know that I love talking to people I don't know! Haha. But the cool thing is I got to explain to several people what we were doing in the city, since they were always confused as to why I was picking up applications when I already had a job. Anyways so then Sunday night was just more getting to know each other.
Monday was the first day that many of the students on project went to go out and try to find jobs. (Prayer request #2: Please be praying for all the students here who need jobs, and if you have any connections in Chitown - throwing that out there - it'd be great if you could let me know so maybe someone from project could get hired. They are all trying so hard to really trust God in this process, but most have come home feeling kind of defeated each of the past two days. It makes me sooo thankful that God has already provided a job for me! But I really feel for all the students who still are very uncertain of what their summer is going to look like.) So yeah since I already have a job, I basically had the daytime hours off. I went running with two girls from project at 8am. They have both been training for a mini marathon, so ehmm... it was a challenge. My pace is soo much slower than theirs since I haven't been running regularly this past year and I dropped behind after about a mile of their quick pace. We were planning on running 4 miles, and it was cool the whole time as long as I could still see them up until the last like, half a mile. Thennnn... we got separated. No worries though, I'm so used to getting lost that I didn't even panic. lol. It might have taken me an extra half an hour and probably another two miles to get back but HEY it was a wonderful workout. Woot GOTTA love the adventures that happen to me. I also had to buy some black pants, shoes and socks for work on Spirit of Chicago, so I spent the day out shopping with another girl in order to find what I needed. It wasn't too easy, and while I was out I succeeded in accidentally changing in a men's dressing room and making a fool of myself at the bank (the closest Chase to where we were was Chase Tower and they are verrrry official in there, let me tell ya.) BUT I eventually found some attire that would suffice for my training which was....
Tuesday! Aka, today.
This morning I got to sleep in a bit more than usual which was great. I woke up around 8:30 and got to talk to Ali on the phone for a bit about her cross country conditioning which started this week, and then rolled out of bed around 8:50. My training on the boat was at 1pm, so I had some time to either workout or do some of my Galatians study, or just spend some time with the Lord in general. I also had to paint the shoes that I ended up buying. Part of them were white, and I am supposed to wear black from the waist down. I talked to my roommates for a bit, meanwhile deciding to go work out. But while I was talking to my roommates I was telling them how much I had been feeling wacky during this transition, and how frustrated I was because I came here to really be growing and spending time with the Lord and learning more about how to share my faith, but I was suddenly feeling farther from Him than I had in a long time. And mannn is it true. I can already tell God is challenging me so much on this project... but in ways I did not expect whatsoever. Sarah pointed out that as much as I love working out, I should probably spend the extra time I had this morning in the word and prepping myself for the day, especially since it was my first day of work. I thought that was a very, very good point and decided not to work out after all.
I did have to paint my shoes before I did anything though, and Ashley volunteered to help me. While we painted we talked, and I told her more about how I just been not feeling like myself physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. (By the way EVERYONE I have talked to has been feeling strange. I really want to know how just moving to a new place with a new social setting can effect a person so much psychologically that it effects even how you feel physically.) I explained how annoyed and nervous it made me, since if I can't be myself I just feel kind of like my whole world is undefined. I am usually so outgoing and I'm pretty sure I haven't cared much what anyone thought of me for three years now as I've matured. But coming here, I suddenly was hyper aware of myself and started being not shy but forced-outgoing... as in sometimes I have absolutely nothing to say because the inside of me is being shy, but I hate not having anything to say so I just SAY SOMETHING and then it's awkward. (Dear people who may or may not be reading this blog... I think you are going to learn a lot about me as I try and share this trip, and I hope you don't mind that I plan tell it like it really, truly is and what I'm going through instead of leaving my "mask" up. I'm a flawed human being and well, there's a reason I need a savior!) But as we talked and she told her own stories she helped me realize what I believe God was trying to show me through this weird time. I had totally and I think always have placed so much of my trust in myself and who I am defined as in society. I'm always so independent. I had been trying so hard to get back to "myself" by my own means instead of just placing my trust in God about being here. It's been a really complicated emotion, but as I talked to Ashley I realized that God was very clearly saying.. you are still a daughter of the King. Let that be your identity... and who even cares what anyone else thinks of you. Who you are in social groups does not matter, because I'm going to use you for my glory regardless of your personality. And it suddenly hit me full force that any power or influence I have is totally and completely not from me. The past few days I had felt like this blubbering idiot, and it was easy to feel queasy and unsettled the whole time because there was nothing I could do in my own power to bring me back to normal. But it's not me in the first place. If I do any good thing, that comes from the Holy Spirit. I had head knowledge about all of that, but I really had to come face to face with it in order to understand. And I'll probably forget again, but this is a start.
I started to go through this devotional that we got on Sunday night, and it happened to be - of course - about being filled with the Holy Spirit, and how we are only powerful through God and not ourselves. I really felt a lot of peace after going through that, and since then I have actually almost completely stopped being so self conscious. It's like God made his point, and let me feel good again. Crazy crazy... I can't even convey how much I feel like I'm in a totally different microcosm here. Maybe as we get into a routine, time will start to feel like it's moving normally again.
OKAY so all that and I still haven't told about my training on the boat. I am also kinda sleepy so I'm gonna keep it short. It's not all too hard to explain, anyways. I got on the boat and they gave me a shirt to change into, and I met the girl who I would be following around. Her name was Emily and she reminded me of a mixture of my friend Hillary and a shorter Zooey Dechanel. She was kind of sarcastic but fun-loving and funny. She doesn't totally love the job on the ship, but she's been there a year and I'm sure it could get old. She is gonna be a junior at Columbia next year so she's probably only a year or so older than me. I was surprised to meet so many other people my age on the boat. I'm not sure why, but I thought everyone would be like, performers who had this waitstaff job on the side.
Anyways so she walked me though a lot of norms and procedures.. it's all very interesting by the way. I've never worked in dining or with food except for at Lucas Oil and I was making food there. This is so different because you are interacting with the people. Right away they put me to work... helping to set up for the next cruise which was another "kid cruise". Apparently there are "kid cruises" and "grown-up cruises", as comically phrased by Emily. The kid cruises are much more hectic and require a lot more running around. The grown-up cruises are a lot more lax because they don't get up and crowd and yell, ect. Plus they are in much smaller groups. Today was a graduation party for a ton of 2011 seniors and their parents. I did a lot of filling cups, hauling ice, managing the buffet table, cleaning up as the cruise went on, folding napkins, and taking plates so I could scrape all the extra food off and give the plates to the guy washing dishes. I can't even tell you how glad I am that I am not a dishwasher. Then after the cruise was over we cleaned everything else up and Emily and I scrubbed all the scuff marks off the dance floor.
Hahahah. So not as glamourous as you were thinking it'd be? So different from my office job this past year! I don't sing at all yet, because rehearsals start next week. Right now they're just getting us newbies used to working the boat. Even though it's tiring and hard work, I think it's a great job for me. I don't really mind doing dirty work like that, and all the people who work there are so fun and nice, even if a little bitter about working on the boat lol. I hope I don't get sucked into that at all. But yeah they sing and joke around while we set up, and I feel like I already fit in. I have another training shift on Saturday (a double, aka two cruises), and I feel like I have a better feel for what to expect now.
So okay that's a pretty thorough updation.. sorry it's a bit long. I just kind of... typed the way I'd tell the story. I'm gonna try to be more concise in future posts.
Miss you all... send me silly stuff if you get the hankerin'!
410 S. Morgan St. Apartment 526 Chicago, IL 60607.
Til later,
Jordan
Saturday was just orientation, but we had a period of training and a lot of it was getting to know our group. We received our Galatians study books which are HUGE and very in-depth. Each day we have an assignment which is in the book, and it is supposed to essentially teach us how to effectively study and interpret scripture. (Prayer request #1: that I would stay on top of that, and all the other things on my plate. There are so many things to get distracted by here as it is, and other things I need to be doing are keeping up with this blog, continuing to raise support and sending thank-yous, spending my own time with the Lord, doing bible study with my action group, and learning songs for my job.) I also talked with some people, and I will be helping to lead worship with the band! I'm so thankful that God is allowing me to use my gifts in so many ways on this trip. Worship team practiced a bit Sunday night, and I'm really excited to learn a lot of new (to me) worship songs.
Sunday we didn't go to our new church here yet because I don't think the church is ready for a whole nother 100 students and staff yet (or some reason like that?) so we did a devotional in the morning and then had more training, this time on how to use the Knowing God Personally (KGP) booklet. It was a great "gospel-refresher" for us, as well. THEN after lunch we broke into groups and went on a scavenger hunt around the city! It was suuuuuper fun and did help a bit to get to know a couple areas. We had four or five "zones" that we could have visited, and accumulated points by doing the objectives in each zone. Other ways to accumulate points were to stop in any Starbucks that we came across and get the address and the barista's name and favorite drink, and also picking up applications from different stores and restaurants around the city. It was so fun because, if you know me well, you know that I love talking to people I don't know! Haha. But the cool thing is I got to explain to several people what we were doing in the city, since they were always confused as to why I was picking up applications when I already had a job. Anyways so then Sunday night was just more getting to know each other.
Monday was the first day that many of the students on project went to go out and try to find jobs. (Prayer request #2: Please be praying for all the students here who need jobs, and if you have any connections in Chitown - throwing that out there - it'd be great if you could let me know so maybe someone from project could get hired. They are all trying so hard to really trust God in this process, but most have come home feeling kind of defeated each of the past two days. It makes me sooo thankful that God has already provided a job for me! But I really feel for all the students who still are very uncertain of what their summer is going to look like.) So yeah since I already have a job, I basically had the daytime hours off. I went running with two girls from project at 8am. They have both been training for a mini marathon, so ehmm... it was a challenge. My pace is soo much slower than theirs since I haven't been running regularly this past year and I dropped behind after about a mile of their quick pace. We were planning on running 4 miles, and it was cool the whole time as long as I could still see them up until the last like, half a mile. Thennnn... we got separated. No worries though, I'm so used to getting lost that I didn't even panic. lol. It might have taken me an extra half an hour and probably another two miles to get back but HEY it was a wonderful workout. Woot GOTTA love the adventures that happen to me. I also had to buy some black pants, shoes and socks for work on Spirit of Chicago, so I spent the day out shopping with another girl in order to find what I needed. It wasn't too easy, and while I was out I succeeded in accidentally changing in a men's dressing room and making a fool of myself at the bank (the closest Chase to where we were was Chase Tower and they are verrrry official in there, let me tell ya.) BUT I eventually found some attire that would suffice for my training which was....
Tuesday! Aka, today.
This morning I got to sleep in a bit more than usual which was great. I woke up around 8:30 and got to talk to Ali on the phone for a bit about her cross country conditioning which started this week, and then rolled out of bed around 8:50. My training on the boat was at 1pm, so I had some time to either workout or do some of my Galatians study, or just spend some time with the Lord in general. I also had to paint the shoes that I ended up buying. Part of them were white, and I am supposed to wear black from the waist down. I talked to my roommates for a bit, meanwhile deciding to go work out. But while I was talking to my roommates I was telling them how much I had been feeling wacky during this transition, and how frustrated I was because I came here to really be growing and spending time with the Lord and learning more about how to share my faith, but I was suddenly feeling farther from Him than I had in a long time. And mannn is it true. I can already tell God is challenging me so much on this project... but in ways I did not expect whatsoever. Sarah pointed out that as much as I love working out, I should probably spend the extra time I had this morning in the word and prepping myself for the day, especially since it was my first day of work. I thought that was a very, very good point and decided not to work out after all.
I did have to paint my shoes before I did anything though, and Ashley volunteered to help me. While we painted we talked, and I told her more about how I just been not feeling like myself physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. (By the way EVERYONE I have talked to has been feeling strange. I really want to know how just moving to a new place with a new social setting can effect a person so much psychologically that it effects even how you feel physically.) I explained how annoyed and nervous it made me, since if I can't be myself I just feel kind of like my whole world is undefined. I am usually so outgoing and I'm pretty sure I haven't cared much what anyone thought of me for three years now as I've matured. But coming here, I suddenly was hyper aware of myself and started being not shy but forced-outgoing... as in sometimes I have absolutely nothing to say because the inside of me is being shy, but I hate not having anything to say so I just SAY SOMETHING and then it's awkward. (Dear people who may or may not be reading this blog... I think you are going to learn a lot about me as I try and share this trip, and I hope you don't mind that I plan tell it like it really, truly is and what I'm going through instead of leaving my "mask" up. I'm a flawed human being and well, there's a reason I need a savior!) But as we talked and she told her own stories she helped me realize what I believe God was trying to show me through this weird time. I had totally and I think always have placed so much of my trust in myself and who I am defined as in society. I'm always so independent. I had been trying so hard to get back to "myself" by my own means instead of just placing my trust in God about being here. It's been a really complicated emotion, but as I talked to Ashley I realized that God was very clearly saying.. you are still a daughter of the King. Let that be your identity... and who even cares what anyone else thinks of you. Who you are in social groups does not matter, because I'm going to use you for my glory regardless of your personality. And it suddenly hit me full force that any power or influence I have is totally and completely not from me. The past few days I had felt like this blubbering idiot, and it was easy to feel queasy and unsettled the whole time because there was nothing I could do in my own power to bring me back to normal. But it's not me in the first place. If I do any good thing, that comes from the Holy Spirit. I had head knowledge about all of that, but I really had to come face to face with it in order to understand. And I'll probably forget again, but this is a start.
I started to go through this devotional that we got on Sunday night, and it happened to be - of course - about being filled with the Holy Spirit, and how we are only powerful through God and not ourselves. I really felt a lot of peace after going through that, and since then I have actually almost completely stopped being so self conscious. It's like God made his point, and let me feel good again. Crazy crazy... I can't even convey how much I feel like I'm in a totally different microcosm here. Maybe as we get into a routine, time will start to feel like it's moving normally again.
OKAY so all that and I still haven't told about my training on the boat. I am also kinda sleepy so I'm gonna keep it short. It's not all too hard to explain, anyways. I got on the boat and they gave me a shirt to change into, and I met the girl who I would be following around. Her name was Emily and she reminded me of a mixture of my friend Hillary and a shorter Zooey Dechanel. She was kind of sarcastic but fun-loving and funny. She doesn't totally love the job on the ship, but she's been there a year and I'm sure it could get old. She is gonna be a junior at Columbia next year so she's probably only a year or so older than me. I was surprised to meet so many other people my age on the boat. I'm not sure why, but I thought everyone would be like, performers who had this waitstaff job on the side.
Anyways so she walked me though a lot of norms and procedures.. it's all very interesting by the way. I've never worked in dining or with food except for at Lucas Oil and I was making food there. This is so different because you are interacting with the people. Right away they put me to work... helping to set up for the next cruise which was another "kid cruise". Apparently there are "kid cruises" and "grown-up cruises", as comically phrased by Emily. The kid cruises are much more hectic and require a lot more running around. The grown-up cruises are a lot more lax because they don't get up and crowd and yell, ect. Plus they are in much smaller groups. Today was a graduation party for a ton of 2011 seniors and their parents. I did a lot of filling cups, hauling ice, managing the buffet table, cleaning up as the cruise went on, folding napkins, and taking plates so I could scrape all the extra food off and give the plates to the guy washing dishes. I can't even tell you how glad I am that I am not a dishwasher. Then after the cruise was over we cleaned everything else up and Emily and I scrubbed all the scuff marks off the dance floor.
Hahahah. So not as glamourous as you were thinking it'd be? So different from my office job this past year! I don't sing at all yet, because rehearsals start next week. Right now they're just getting us newbies used to working the boat. Even though it's tiring and hard work, I think it's a great job for me. I don't really mind doing dirty work like that, and all the people who work there are so fun and nice, even if a little bitter about working on the boat lol. I hope I don't get sucked into that at all. But yeah they sing and joke around while we set up, and I feel like I already fit in. I have another training shift on Saturday (a double, aka two cruises), and I feel like I have a better feel for what to expect now.
So okay that's a pretty thorough updation.. sorry it's a bit long. I just kind of... typed the way I'd tell the story. I'm gonna try to be more concise in future posts.
Miss you all... send me silly stuff if you get the hankerin'!
410 S. Morgan St. Apartment 526 Chicago, IL 60607.
Til later,
Jordan
Friday, June 3, 2011
First Day Here!!
So this is my blog for while I'm in Chicago!!
If you're following, thanks for reading! I hope you guys will enjoy keeping up with me. I'll be mostly in-general updating, and sharing what God does in my life and in this city through our team. If you don't already know the specifics, this is a 10-week mission project through Campus Crusade for Christ and we will be helping to develop Crusade-like groups on college campuses here in Chicago, all while getting some of the best evangelism training possible for students like us and learning how to be better spiritual leaders on our own campuses. We all are required to have day jobs while we're here, and while a lot of the people here don't have jobs yet and will be searching starting Monday, God has so graciously provided mine already! I will be a "singing hostess" on the Spirit of Chicago cruise ship which does lunch and dinner cruises on Lake Michigan. Hence the "cruising" part of my blog name. :) But more about that later.
So I'm nearing the end of my first day on Chicago Summer Project! Phew! It's been a fun day. I'm pretty exhausted, so I hope that this entry ends up being relatively coherent. Haha.
I spent all of yesterday evening and until 3am finishing up everything. My best friend from high school came over to my house and surprised me with Starbucks which was so sweet of her! We hung out while I packed. Then after she left I spent the rest of the night/morning finishing packing, writing thank yous, trying not to get distracted, getting distracted, being excited, and packing some more. Then I slept for 4 hours and woke up again to pack the car and get ready to leave. We left around 8:30 and I was officially off to Chicago!
I slept a lot in the car so the ride didn't seem very long at all. Needless to say, I was pretty tired from getting relatively no sleep the night before.
We arrived in Chicago and pulled up to the Automatic Lofts around 12pm. Right away we were greeted by staff members with large carts to help unload our car... it took about .25 seconds to unload everything and soon we were headed inside to do all our checking in. Right off the bat I met a lot of people who I had already talked to through email or by phone, and everyone else who was helping with my check in process was also very welcoming. In a whirlwind I had gotten my apt. keycard, room key and had my picture taken for who knows what reason. We went upstairs to the apartment which is awesome & spacious and I met a couple of my roommates who had recently arrived as well. They were both so nice and I can tell I'm gonna get along with them really well! Originally we were supposed to have four people (including me) in our room, because it's a four bedroom apt. But it turned out that some people who had bigger apartments would need to house an extra person, since we have so many people on the project. So I'll be sharing a room with a totally sweet girl named Ashley. She used to be an art major as well, and has a great fashion sense! I think we'll be getting along fine :) hahah.
My other roommates are fabulous as well! There's Sarah C., who just graduated from college and reminds me of my friend Missy Hannah. That won't mean much to but a few of you may be reading this, but lets just say she's fantastic. The last one who is already here is another Sarah (N.), and she is a graphic design student! (We have a lot of artsy people in room 526! There's a coloring contest going on in the apartments, and we've decided that we have to win!! lol) She is the only other girl in our apt who also just finished freshman year, so it's fun to have someone else my age. There is one more girl who will be coming, named Katharine. Don't know anything about her yet, but we all can't wait to meet her.
Today all we really did was settle into our apartment, and then Sarah N., Ashley, and I walked to Starbucks a few blocks down to grab coffee so we could stay awake after all our car-riding. I actually had it easy -- Sarah had to drive 9 hours to get here! There was a pizza dinner at 6:30 with everyone in the lobby, and I got to meet a few more great people and received an "Orientation Weekend" schedule. Tomorrow we will be participating in a lot of random training and orientation activities which I don't remember off the top of my head, but it's gonna be a blast. Then on Sunday there's church and then the biggest thing I remember is that there will be a scavenger hunt which will take us all over the city and help us learn how to effectively use the public transportation. I'm super excited!! I'm pretty confident already with certain "L" lines since I've stayed in Chicago a few times before (like when I auditioned to get the Spirit of Chicago job), but I'm hoping I'll get to go on lines that I've never been on and ride the buses, since I've only ridden the L and walked places so far. Should be an absolutely fun weekend! Plus tomorrow (actually today, now) is my 19th birthday!!! And that just somehow makes tomorrow seem even more like something to look forward to for some reason :) If nothing else, because I'll get Happy Birthdays on Facebook and that just makes my day!
I'm already connecting really well with my roommates and I can tell this is going to be a great time of spiritual growth for me. My roommates are all such women of the Lord and just after having some good conversations tonight I can tell I will be challenged and encouraged by them for the duration of this project.
So yay for a successful first day! Time to get in bed, because I have to be up early tomorrow.
If there's anything you can be praying for right now, it's just that God would continue to prepare my heart and mind for this project (that He would help me to focus on the fact that I'm here for HIM and not for some adventure in the city as it could so easily be disguised as), and that my support would continue to come in. I still have about $900 left to pay. But the fact that God has provided so much already is astounding!!! $2,500. I literally was so fearful about the support raising process back in April, and God has really provided the support in so many different ways. Even though $900 is a big number in my mind, it's nothing to God. If I don't actually end up raising that money and need to go on a payment plan using my salary, I still feel like I can't be worried because I know God will provide all that I need. I'm so thankful for that kind of peace. And all that said, it be great if you could still be praying that the support would come in so that I can use my salary on groceries. :)
I'm so glad to be here!!
Until later,
Jordan
If you're following, thanks for reading! I hope you guys will enjoy keeping up with me. I'll be mostly in-general updating, and sharing what God does in my life and in this city through our team. If you don't already know the specifics, this is a 10-week mission project through Campus Crusade for Christ and we will be helping to develop Crusade-like groups on college campuses here in Chicago, all while getting some of the best evangelism training possible for students like us and learning how to be better spiritual leaders on our own campuses. We all are required to have day jobs while we're here, and while a lot of the people here don't have jobs yet and will be searching starting Monday, God has so graciously provided mine already! I will be a "singing hostess" on the Spirit of Chicago cruise ship which does lunch and dinner cruises on Lake Michigan. Hence the "cruising" part of my blog name. :) But more about that later.
So I'm nearing the end of my first day on Chicago Summer Project! Phew! It's been a fun day. I'm pretty exhausted, so I hope that this entry ends up being relatively coherent. Haha.
I spent all of yesterday evening and until 3am finishing up everything. My best friend from high school came over to my house and surprised me with Starbucks which was so sweet of her! We hung out while I packed. Then after she left I spent the rest of the night/morning finishing packing, writing thank yous, trying not to get distracted, getting distracted, being excited, and packing some more. Then I slept for 4 hours and woke up again to pack the car and get ready to leave. We left around 8:30 and I was officially off to Chicago!
I slept a lot in the car so the ride didn't seem very long at all. Needless to say, I was pretty tired from getting relatively no sleep the night before.
We arrived in Chicago and pulled up to the Automatic Lofts around 12pm. Right away we were greeted by staff members with large carts to help unload our car... it took about .25 seconds to unload everything and soon we were headed inside to do all our checking in. Right off the bat I met a lot of people who I had already talked to through email or by phone, and everyone else who was helping with my check in process was also very welcoming. In a whirlwind I had gotten my apt. keycard, room key and had my picture taken for who knows what reason. We went upstairs to the apartment which is awesome & spacious and I met a couple of my roommates who had recently arrived as well. They were both so nice and I can tell I'm gonna get along with them really well! Originally we were supposed to have four people (including me) in our room, because it's a four bedroom apt. But it turned out that some people who had bigger apartments would need to house an extra person, since we have so many people on the project. So I'll be sharing a room with a totally sweet girl named Ashley. She used to be an art major as well, and has a great fashion sense! I think we'll be getting along fine :) hahah.
My other roommates are fabulous as well! There's Sarah C., who just graduated from college and reminds me of my friend Missy Hannah. That won't mean much to but a few of you may be reading this, but lets just say she's fantastic. The last one who is already here is another Sarah (N.), and she is a graphic design student! (We have a lot of artsy people in room 526! There's a coloring contest going on in the apartments, and we've decided that we have to win!! lol) She is the only other girl in our apt who also just finished freshman year, so it's fun to have someone else my age. There is one more girl who will be coming, named Katharine. Don't know anything about her yet, but we all can't wait to meet her.
Today all we really did was settle into our apartment, and then Sarah N., Ashley, and I walked to Starbucks a few blocks down to grab coffee so we could stay awake after all our car-riding. I actually had it easy -- Sarah had to drive 9 hours to get here! There was a pizza dinner at 6:30 with everyone in the lobby, and I got to meet a few more great people and received an "Orientation Weekend" schedule. Tomorrow we will be participating in a lot of random training and orientation activities which I don't remember off the top of my head, but it's gonna be a blast. Then on Sunday there's church and then the biggest thing I remember is that there will be a scavenger hunt which will take us all over the city and help us learn how to effectively use the public transportation. I'm super excited!! I'm pretty confident already with certain "L" lines since I've stayed in Chicago a few times before (like when I auditioned to get the Spirit of Chicago job), but I'm hoping I'll get to go on lines that I've never been on and ride the buses, since I've only ridden the L and walked places so far. Should be an absolutely fun weekend! Plus tomorrow (actually today, now) is my 19th birthday!!! And that just somehow makes tomorrow seem even more like something to look forward to for some reason :) If nothing else, because I'll get Happy Birthdays on Facebook and that just makes my day!
I'm already connecting really well with my roommates and I can tell this is going to be a great time of spiritual growth for me. My roommates are all such women of the Lord and just after having some good conversations tonight I can tell I will be challenged and encouraged by them for the duration of this project.
So yay for a successful first day! Time to get in bed, because I have to be up early tomorrow.
If there's anything you can be praying for right now, it's just that God would continue to prepare my heart and mind for this project (that He would help me to focus on the fact that I'm here for HIM and not for some adventure in the city as it could so easily be disguised as), and that my support would continue to come in. I still have about $900 left to pay. But the fact that God has provided so much already is astounding!!! $2,500. I literally was so fearful about the support raising process back in April, and God has really provided the support in so many different ways. Even though $900 is a big number in my mind, it's nothing to God. If I don't actually end up raising that money and need to go on a payment plan using my salary, I still feel like I can't be worried because I know God will provide all that I need. I'm so thankful for that kind of peace. And all that said, it be great if you could still be praying that the support would come in so that I can use my salary on groceries. :)
I'm so glad to be here!!
Until later,
Jordan
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